Do you belong or do you fit in?
Are you fitting in or do you belong? Some people may say I am fitting in so that I belong or, belonging is fitting in. I would say that fitting in and belonging are different.
When we are trying to fit in, we are seeing what parts of ourselves is acceptable to those we are trying to fit in with. We look to suppress or reduce parts of ourselves that are not appreciated, or accepted by those we are trying to fit in with.
We may allow parts of ourselves to be ridiculed, shamed, negated to fit in. We may try different ways of being so that we feel we fit in. We are trying to fit in because we don’t feel we do.
Belonging is where you are loved and appreciated for who you are. You can be and speak your truth and you are heard. You may not be agreed with but you will not be ridiculed, negated etc. for being different. You know you belong, when you can be yourself, you can be authentic and you are accepted and you are seen and heard. There is no trying, you feel free to be.
You don’t suppress any part of yourself where you belong, as there is no reason to as you are accepted and appreciated for who you are.
In belonging you are loved and accepted for all that you are, your authentic self. In fitting in your are not love and appreciated for all you are and to fit in you act inauthentically, suppressing parts of yourself that are not accepted.
Over time if you are in an environment with people where you are always having to try to fit in, it will become unhealthy for you and create dis-ease. You will know your tribe when you can be yourself, be authentic and people stick around, they accept you as you are.
If you find you are mostly in spaces where you are trying to fit in. If you recognise this in yourself, I would invite you to intend to become more aware of where you feel you belong and where you feeling you are fitting in. Where you feel at ease and where you feel at dis-ease. As you do this see what insights come to you. You will find that you will feel more at ease and more peaceful within where you belong and more uncomfortable and out of harmony where you are trying to fit in.
A dear friend of mine once said to me. I threw out all the shoes that I loved the look of but that hurt my feet when I wore them and I started to buy shoes that were comfortable and felt good to wear. This illustrates fitting in and belonging. We sometimes try to fit in because of the image it will portray to others, to meet the expectations of others, or society or culture etc. but it is not comfortable and one does not feel at ease.
When one is truly authentic, so wearing comfortable shoes, one then attracts and meets others who are attracted to ones authenticity and not the image one is trying to portray. In this way we meet our tribe, others who are also being authentic, with who we belong.
So I invite you to intend to be more aware of where you feel you belong and where you feel you fit in. See if there are any surprises. See if you can spend more time where you belong rather than where you fit in and notice how this feels.
Feel free to email me and let me know how you get on and your thoughts.
With Love
Dhriti
