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Dishonest Harmony or Honest Conflict.

Honest conflict and dishonest harmony, what does this mean and where does it tend to show up you may be wondering. 

Dishonest harmony
Dishonest harmony and Honest conflict

Dysfunctional families often have dishonest harmony and they avoid and honest conflict. Honest conflict is a sign of a healthy family whereas dishonest harmony is the sign of a dysfunctional family. 

One of the things dysfunctional families do is sweep issues and problems under the carpet. They avoid truly getting to the bottom of issues, problems or conflicts. Most will even avoid acknowledging that there is even a problem. They would rather have dishonest harmony, than deal with the truth of what is going on and have honest conflict. 

It is very common in dysfunctional families for them to be extremely uncomfortable with honest conflict, they would rather pretend the problem does not exist. This is so unhealthy for them as an individual and also for their family. It usually exists when they parents or heads of the familiy are extremely insecure and fear any kind of conflict.

This pretence of a happy harmonious family creates shallow and superficial relationships within the family. It is a very fake atmosphere and energy when this happens. 


Additionally if someone brings up a problem or an issue they will be treated as if they are the problem. They will be blamed, ignored, abandoed, rejected, neglect or told to just get over it as they are family. This is because it gets in the way of the perfect image of the family that is desired. So they would rather shut down anyone who brings up honest conflict and pretend it does not exist to have dishonest harmony. 

Dysfunctional families like this are often narcissistic or have a narcissist leading the way and with a following of enablers, who are conscious or unconscious, but are fully under the hold of the narcissist. .  This can be a very traumatic environment to live in and grown up in, especially if you are raising issues or questions, as nothing is resolved and the reality of the situation is consistently being invalidated, to avoid honest conflict and maintain dishonest harmony. 

Honest conflict exists in healthy families where there is no fear to question or bring up issues. there is no pretence or image trying to be upheld in healthy families, honest conflict is welcomed and this leads to great understanding and acceptance of each family member and so leading to honest harmony and resolutions of problems and issues. Here there is an acceptance that we are all unique and authentic expression is valued.

I would love to hear your thoughts. If you have questions feel free to email, or book a discovery call,, and I will do my best to answer your questions. 

I help and support people to heal from trauma, abuse, addictions, stresses and then to create and live an authentic life they truly love living. 




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