I choose Me
I choose Me.
It has been a raw time. I have felt like my heart has been pulled out, stamped on and shoved back in, repeatedly broken and healed. The emotional pain has been excruciating and debilitating, so much so that I am surprised that I am still here. There have been fewer, but there have been moments of feeling in such complete harmony with the world, the Universe, mySelf as well - and they have been such a contrast to the emotionally breaking pain. I am grateful for these moments of complete harmony as they give me hope, they reinforce my trust and faith, that good will come, is coming, from this for me - otherwise I would not still be here.
I have faith, and without it I am not sure I could have the thought that, I feel like I am surviving and I am paving the way, sowing the seeds to be thriving. I am grateful for my earth angels, my angels, my guides, my Higher Self and God who carry me when I feel I can’t carry myself. Who take care of me when I feel so lost and broken, who love me for all that I am and all that I be, without judgement. They know, as do I, that the brightest light has the darkest shadow and that we only experience and appreciate our brightest light because we have and can sit, embrace and move through our darkest shadow, having faith that we will come into the light again.
The contrast of feelings can feel too much to bear at times, and yet when I look back I realise I am so strong, though I have felt so weak. I am still here, and that I can say is because of the strength that comes from deep within, from my angels and from my innate faith in God.
I know some judge me. I know some don’t have a clue. I know some don’t understand and really don’t care to. I also know that that is their life, that is their journey, and unless they come to me for help, it is best for me to I leave them to it and get on with my journey.
I say this as many have no desire to change, though the may say they do. I say this because many are happy to sit in their status quo however much pain it causes them and those around them that see and feel their pain. They are so lost in their situation they are unable to see around it, to gain a wider boarder perspective. They are some that are so scared of change they’d rather stay where they are, angry, filled with rage, spitting venom, than move into an unknown space that could potentially be better. There are some that are not well in their situation and choose to stay in it than move in to the unknown, with the possibility of better health.
It breaks my heart in every moment I see this and feel this, in person and at a distance, and yet I am continuously healing my broken heart and moving forwards from this, finding ways to detach from this. The gift of feeling so intensely, of being an empath, an intuitive, does not always feel like a gift, and yet I am so grateful for it as I can’t and don’t want to exist without it. It is a gift.
In many situations it has saved me, helped me, healed me, taken the best care of me and also of those that have come to me. It is a lesson of being a healer that not all those that one can guide to healing want to be healed.
However much you love someone you can not make them do or be anything other than what they want to be, though you can see the outcome of their actions. This is true love, to give them the freedom to be. To truly love them and to truly love mySelf, I set them free and I set mySelf free, from the need for them to change, to accept my help or for me to be in a space that is toxic for me, too much for me to be responsible for in any way. To let them take care of themselves as they choose, without judgement and to take care of mySelf as I choose. Sometimes it is not a matter of finding a way to cope, sometimes the lesson is to realise what is toxic and to find a way to let it go, even if it evolves those you love dearly. As I send them love and I let them go, I love mySelf and set mySelf free. I choose me.
PS. My hope in sharing this article is that you feel inspired and empowered to choose you.
If you would like to get in touch I would love to hear from you. I am here.