What happened when I banged my head, continues...
What happened when I banged my head, continues.
14 days after the bang, I was not able to get an appointment at my GP surgery, so I went back to Teddington Walk In and then advised me to go to West Middlesex Urgent care and a GP would seem me there was not a GP at the Walk-in that could seem me.
I burst in to tears as I walked out. I did not have the physical energy to go to West Middlesex Hospital Urgent Care. I was exhausted. After a long cry, I decided to call my Surgery and explained I needed an urgent care appointment today and why. They advised me that a GP would have to call me, to make the decision regarding giving me an appointment and that they could not give me one. They said I would get a call in within 2hours. I did and got an appointment for an hour later. I have to say I wish I had gone to the hospital as I found the GPs bed side manner had much to be desired. I was just not in a place at the time to call him on it, but need to address that soon in some way.
21days after the bang I started to feel better and was able focus a bit on screens, books, phone etc. But what I found was, I was trying to run before I could walk. Rushing to catch up and over doing it, so that the next two days I was wiped out again. This was so frustrating. I really really really had to listen to my body and head. I did a little 30minutes to an hour and then rested. Some days that was all I could do. I kept telling myself you can do this, you are healing, be patient with yourself. I really had to be even kinder to myself in my self talk, than I usually am, as this help reduce the pressure funnily enough on the front and back of my head.
I was a intuitively guided to see a Cranial Osteopath, so I decided to book an appointment to see if it would help as it had now been 3weeks, 21days, and I was still not good. The GP had not suggested anything more than what I had been told at the Walk in the day it happened, so I needed to try something else.
I texted and emailed my local friends to get recommendations for a Cranial Osteopath. I got a good response and called each and got a same day appointment with one, so she was the one I went to see.
As I lay on the table, I found it so relaxing. As she touched my feet I could feel sensations in my head. It felt like she was just holding my feet but she was definitely doing something as I could feel the energy moving within my body, up and down my body during the treatment.
When she eventually got to my head, I felt the pressure rising up from my eye brows a centimetre and then stop. It felt good that it had lifted a bit. I felt it could be lifted more. So started telling myself, Dhriti, you can do it, let go, let go of the pattern that is creating this pressure, allow yourself to let it go easily and gently as is in your highest good. You are safe. I kept repeating this to myself and it lifted. I had no pressure. She felt it too, she said it has released. I said, Yes it has. I was so grateful to her, it was so good to have no pressure on the front of my head. I gave her a big hug as I left. I was so appreciative, words just can’t explain. Outside of being outdoors or being asleep this had given me the most relief in the last 21days.
The next day I felt good, so did a video call, it went well but it was too much and I was totally fatigued afterwards again. I felt so frustrated with this. It was only and hour but it was too much focus for me and drained my energy. I slept.
The next day, I woke up feeling so emotional. I meditated, did some energy work on myself and by lunch time was feeling less teary. I spoke to no one and just literally hibernated. It was like I had gone into a cocoon. The Osteopath had said to me that I would be rebalancing in many ways over the next few days. I did not know what this meant when she said it but I do now. The next day I planned nothing as well. Nothing was becoming the norm! My friend down the road invited me over for lunch, I decided to go as it was only a five minute walk and we’d be sat in her garden so I should be ok, and if not I could get home quite easily. It was lovely to be out and to feel ok being out too.
The following day I had another emotional fall out, or at least that is what it felt like. It past sooner than the previous one which I was relieved for. I made another appointment to see the Cranial Osteopath for the next day as I could now feel pressure in the back of my head and it was moving around the back of my head. Also I just wanted to make sure how I had been feeling after the first treatment was ok. The second treatment really helped and that was now 13 days ago, I am really pleased to say. It is 5 weeks today, that I banged my head and for the past 3 days I have been feeling about 70-80% I would say and I am so grateful for this and I trust that it continues. I am taking a nap in the day but it is for 20minutes to an hour and not for 4-6hours at a time, so there is progress as I continue to heal.
I decided to share this experience with you, as it brings up some important lessons and reminders for me that I feel will be of value to others too.
Wherever we are whatever we are doing we need to have a support network around us to help us when were are vulnerable, no matter how independent and capable we feel we are.
We are all human and our bodies and minds can only take so much. It is so important to give ourselves the time we need to heal. In some cases we need to re-train ourselves as what was possible is no longer and we need to step into a new way of working and living that is in flow with where we now find ourselves, like I had to.
Listen to your mind and your body. They are the best carers and healers for you and they are always telling you want you need to do to help yourself heal and keep yourself well, if only we listen. If I can’t look at a screen (phone, computer, TV, a book, my journal) because it make me feel nauseous, that is my body telling me that this is not good for you right now, so best I don’t do it. I realised just how much time is now spent looking at a screen and also how much life now requires us to do via a screen of some kind.
Be kind to yourself. This was the biggest lesson for me. To let myself be okay with not being okay. To let myself be not the picture I had of myself in my head. To let myself be running at half mast and be ok with that. To be behind and and be alright with that. To know and have faith that I am exactly where I am supposed to be doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing. To know that my best is my best and it is more than enough, and is not to be compared to mine or anyone’s expectations of me. Be kind to myself in the healing process and to not try to rush it. To go with the flow and trust in the process of life.
That without my health nothing matters, as I can’t be there for anyone else.
I realised I am quite stubborn and that I like to be at home when I am ill, however that looks. I don’t want to be else where. I feel safe at home. It is my sanctuary.
This experience has been a wonderful teacher of gratitude too. I found myself sat in my garden a lot, and a number of times thinking to myself I am so grateful I have a garden to sit in. I am grateful for the dry weather. I am grateful for the sun and the sky. I am so grateful for my comfortable home. I am so grateful to my younger self for creating these things for myself as I needed them today, to help me heal. I am grateful for the support I have around me. I am grateful for the company of my cat, as when I felt alone, she reminded me that she was there witnessing me.
My rebounder is no longer out on the the carpet unless I am bouncing on it. It is up agains the wall!
I am sure there are more lessons but these are those that come to mind right now as I write this. I have been wanted to write this for 2 weeks and am grateful that I am today able to focus and write it. It is not like me to share my vulnerabilities as I am in writing this, but I trust that it will demonstrate that we are all work in progress and that others will find strength and value in reading it.
I really feel like I have come through a transformation over the past five weeks. I feel I have even greater, self acceptance, self care and self love for myself through this experience. And Yes, I wish I had not knocked my head to get here but it happened and I am here now.
I feel I have changed. I am not the person I was before the knock on the head. There have been a number of subtle and powerful shifts over the past five weeks, for which I am grateful. So though it may sound bizarre to some, I am grateful for all the past five weeks and say thank you.